This morning I watched Will & Grace while packing for an Easter weekend at home with my family. I was an emotional mess, I laughed, I cried, I laughed and cried at the same time, it was weird. What I really wanted to do was throw things and scream but considering it was 9 am and my roommate was still sleeping, I refrained myself. However, I needed to relieve my anger, my frustration, everything I was feeling from the night before. I ended up making a big cup of coffee instead. It didn’t relieve my bottled up emotions but damn did that first cup of coffee after 40 days taste good. Happy Good Friday!
I can’t even make of everything that rushed through my body. But in the end I was hurt more than shocked. I saw what he chose and although I’ve known for a long time, I had to finally choose too. I chose myself. As great as it was and could have been, it came down to an easy evolutionary biology equation, doe the cost outweigh the benefits.
Beneficially, he was a great person and I enjoyed being with him. We’re weird but yet we somehow complement each other, like adding some salt to your apple pie. When we’re together it’s as if no one else is around to judge us, so we’re extremely comfortable. He’s a gentleman that paid for dinner and opened car doors, someone who was raised with manners. We joke and laugh and joke and laugh. He makes me happy. But why does the cost outweigh the benefits hands down? Ultimately, it’s how I feel. Yep, that’s it…my feelings.